Eulogy for Delores Matson Foley (my mother)

Saturday, August 13

11:00 am

By Robin Asbury Cutler

On behalf of my sister Lark and brother Joe and our children and their children, we thank you for being with us today to celebrate the life of my mother, Delores Virginia Matson Foley. I want to especially thank her grandsons, Zack Welch and Adam Sumner for traveling from California and Ray’s sister Margaret Saylor and her family for traveling from Virginia.

Of course we all loved her dearly and we treasure the time we had these past months to take care of her. She was a strong, independent woman who I never saw sick or heard a complaint of any physical ailment so when she was diagnosed with cancer in April, it was quite a shock to all of us. Over the ensuing months we learned (Joe, Lark, Ray, Raymond, Reggie, Virginia and myself) how to take care of her and she learned to accept our care. It was truly a blessing for all of us to learn these lessons—how much we need each other.

We all have special memories of her. One of my favorites is from a cruise she and I took together to Jamaica a few years ago. I was anxious to get off the ship so I booked two shore excusions. One was a dolphin encounter where we petted and kissed dolphins which completely delighted her. The second was a trip to Ocho Rios to climb Dunn’s River Falls. When I booked the trip I didn’t know what I was getting us into because when we arrived at the falls, I saw that the climb up was over treacherous and slippery rocks while the river just poured down on you. One slip could mean disaster. The climb up to the top took several hours and was not easy even for someone much younger than the two of us. When I saw that this was going to be challenging not only her but for me,  I suggested that we just swim in the pool of water at the base and not make the climb. But she wanted to go—I had paid for it and she wanted to be sure we got my money’s worth.  We slowly made the climb up and when we finally reached the top, we just splashed and giggled and played in the water together like a couple of kids. She said she felt 20 years younger. She was just glowing like a child and was beaming from ear to ear.  I think she was around 76 at the time.

We loved her especially for her adventurous and creative spirit. And she instilled this spirit in us—her children--me, Lark, Joe, and Gordon. We, in turn see this same sense of adventure and creativity in our children. I believe that this is my mother’s legacy and it will endure with each generation of my family and we are blessed. She lives on especially through her namesakes: My sister Virginia Lark, my niece Crystal Delores and my daughter Virginia Grace.

In closing, I’d like to share a praise poem that I wrote for my mother as a Christmas gift in 1997. I think it is particularly appropriate today.

IN PRAISE OF DELORES

Her name is Delores

The daughter of Sarah, the daughter of Mary

With boundless energy, she weaves

Paint, thread and yard to artistic invention.

She has walked a rocky road in this life

Shaking of the dust to glide on air

Her sunny smile can cheer the darkest heart

Her warmth like a flame on a chilly day.

She loves to laugh and to dance

But doesn’t get the chance enough

So like a dandelion on a windy day

She shares her essence with those she meets.

Radiant in youth, she aged like wine

More delicious with each passing year

Beautiful hair, face, eyes and legs

That tugged at many a male heartstring.

We sing a song of Delores

Good Mother to Gordon, Lark, Robin and Joseph

Lovers of laughter, dance and art

These generous gifts she bestowed to each.

Mother, good mother

You never knew until now

The unfailing love

I have for you.

Mother, good Mother

You never knew until now

How I adore you.

--Robin Sumner Asbury, December 24, 1997

Heartbroken

I'm reminded tonight of that line from the movie "Terms of Endearment" that Shirley Maclaine says when her daughter Emma dies after a long illness. "This is so hard; I thought I would feel relief but this is so hard." That's exactly how I feel now that my mom has died.

We knew the prognosis was not good when she was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer back in April. All the online sites said the same thing--that there was virtually no chance for this type of cancer. "No cure" is what the doctors all said. After the round of chemo she had that almost did her in, she miraculously recovered well enough to go on a cruise to Alaska. I secretly started to have some hope. Then when she said, "maybe they got it with that chemo, I feel so great," with such conviction, I was right there agreeing that it might be so. This was just a week ago.

But time is never a friend. When I got the call this morning I called Delta airlines to try and exchange my ticket that I had already booked so I could be here to take care of her for the next two weeks. Delta said that the earliest I could get to Charleston was around 11pm. Driving the 9 hours instead would put me in Charleston around 8 pm so that's what I chose to do.

I was an hour from Charleston when my phone rang with Ray, my mother's companion, asking me where I was and to hurry because he didn't think she would last much longer. He called again 20 minutes later to tell me she was gone. I missed saying goodbye to my mother by a mere 40 minutes. No, time is not a friend.

I finally arrived at the hospital and Ray told me that her last word was "Robin" before she took her last breath.

Happiness in Franklin

My daughter and husband both asked me this Sunday morning, "what are our plans for today?" I said I had to buy a curtain rod at some point but that was it for me. Dale said he had to put the house numbers on the mailbox in the correct order (he incorrectly posted 1472 instead of 1427). He also needed to refill the bird feeders and that was it for him. 

My daughter scratched her head, took a big yawn and looked at the dog nestled in her bed. 

"Sounds good," she said as she walked back downstairs to her room.

There is ease in the way we live our lives in Franklin that I've never experienced before. It could be that we are just renting our house instead of owning it. There's no pressure to do anything but to organize and keep it clean. I have renters in my house in Charleston who are probably feeling the same way. I think I may have found the secret to happiness.

Meeting Wynonna

This is my first blog post. I must say that Google makes this very easy for anyone to have their own blog and to get started writing. It is a wonderful thing. It is 4:49 in the morning.

 I woke up so early this morning that my dog and cat didn't even try and get me to feed them, just went back to bed themselves. I am really loving being married to Dale, loving the house that we live in next to the park and living in Franklin.

I have a few new friends and even met Wynonna Judd yesterday. She was in an accident that I happened to witness. She was just driving her daughter to go shopping for school clothes and she was stopped to let another car turn. Another car driven by an older woman plowed into the back of her. I pulled over immediately and got out of my car to help and realized it was Wynonna. I found out no one was seriously injured although both women were shaken. I called 911 and within 5 minutes an ambulance, police and firetrucks arrived.\

Wynonna was most concerned to see if the other driver was injured. There was some blood on the other drivers hands and her arms were beginning to bruise from the airbags. Wynonna got her out of her car and we put her in my back seat. Wynonna was very calm and down to earth. I noticed that she wore no makeup and that she has very beautiful skin. We talked a while about our daughters and I told her about my recent move to Franklin.

About this time, my husband Dale drove past and saw my car. He was at first alarmed that I had been in the accident and then releaved when he saw I was okay. He didn't even notice Wynonna and I introduced him to her. She told us of her favorite restaurants in Franklin and we chatted very casually about our daughters. I realized after I left her that I should have given her my name and contact information or at least gotten a picture. Honestly, she felt like an old friend who I'd known forever. I hope I see her again because I feel like she is part of my future life in some way.